Should I?

I once been hurted so much till i shut my heart.. i do wonder if that is actually better? cause after my heart get open up again by e warmth and concern of a friend, i felt that i became so much more vulnerable. I shouldnt get so affected by things people do or say isnt it so? everyone have their reasons. But yet i still felt so helpless or sad when I cant do anything or don't know about anything. And end up finding out from another friend about the well being of that friend. Am I being such a failure as a friend?

Such a big struggle within me that i cant solve, maybe i wasnt meant to have any close friends? I still get disappointed with myself and still feel ever so indebted when friends treat me well and I never did much for them.. I wanted so much to shut myself up again but I already accepted Him into my life, i shouldnt lead that sort of life isnt it? but i don't know how to make myself feel better and don't be that vulnerable. So what should i do?

Dear Lord, will you show me e way to change for e better and be a better person for myself, for my friends, for my family and most important for you? I'm totally not leading a Christian lifestyle although i had accepted you into my life for 2 months..