true fear..

"You don't understand the true fear of losing someone important because you haven't overcome your personal fear nor have you made a move to do so" ~ quoted from Yamato Nadeshiko Shichi Henge - how scary it is to lose someone important to you.

Life is...

"Life is like being lost apparently... The more you struggle, the more you lose your perspective. It is scary 'cause everyone around you looks like an enemy. You'd think you are all alone in this world. But when you are really lost, you just have to wait for someone to find you. Someone who loves you will find you... you have to believe that. Everyone is trying... to live even it's not easy. We just have to be strong and go for it. " ~ quoted from Yamato Nadeshiko Shichi Henge (jDrama)

Should I?

I once been hurted so much till i shut my heart.. i do wonder if that is actually better? cause after my heart get open up again by e warmth and concern of a friend, i felt that i became so much more vulnerable. I shouldnt get so affected by things people do or say isnt it so? everyone have their reasons. But yet i still felt so helpless or sad when I cant do anything or don't know about anything. And end up finding out from another friend about the well being of that friend. Am I being such a failure as a friend?

Such a big struggle within me that i cant solve, maybe i wasnt meant to have any close friends? I still get disappointed with myself and still feel ever so indebted when friends treat me well and I never did much for them.. I wanted so much to shut myself up again but I already accepted Him into my life, i shouldnt lead that sort of life isnt it? but i don't know how to make myself feel better and don't be that vulnerable. So what should i do?

Dear Lord, will you show me e way to change for e better and be a better person for myself, for my friends, for my family and most important for you? I'm totally not leading a Christian lifestyle although i had accepted you into my life for 2 months..

Revision classes

yup all e revision classes timetable is out.. and seriously gonna be so dead.. exams is e week straight after e local revision classes ends.. have to rely alot on e revision classes to understand everything important.. and have to try to complete as much past year paper in between already.. since had to spend alot time on e assignments.. cant anyhow do also haiz.. cos cant fail e assignment part if not still have to repeat it @@!

abit "tempted" to push backward all my driving lessons so i got more free time but then it just mean i have to pay for e school membership again when it expire in June =.="" already spend far more than what i had planned when i decide to learn from school.. so should just save whether possible.. will see how.. if really not enough time then will really had to do it..

will take some time after i graduate to find a suitable job, since dun want to risk not having enough time for my FYP.. maybe will go take up e website design course, since i never learned it e proper way meant for web design on e server side..

now all i hope is to pass every single modules this year and do well for my FYP..

March

here come another brand new month, week and day! haha

finding that everytime i come to blog will be just complaints =X

but seriously my life is very dull lately, nothing much except studies ~

still busy with assignments.. think will go crazy soon..

since i just read thru all e Level 3 assignments questions..

totally crazy lor, all need report of 2,5k-3.5k words @@

ine lucky thing is 316, Mathematical Techniques of Operational Research dun have any assignments..

But if got also will have hard to come up new things for us to answer =P

The nest 3 months will be super packed, still got my driving lessons..

My poor hand and feet coordination does drive me crazy!

I wonder how i actually could be a sprinter this way LOL

well still hope i could survive thru this critical period..

even if its hard to motivate myself but still i'm finding things to..

for e.g. to be able to have enough money to buy a new car, go for my Taiwan trip and of cos have my own room!

Well, nothing much.. need to go read thru alot of books and research just to finish up my Level 3 assignments first..

before i headache on Level 2 assignments, with all e codings @@

and the most headache SML & Prolog is here!

May God Bless Me ~!

01022010

just so nice.. today is e 1st day of the week, month.. Finally e not so nice Jan is gone! So hopefully Feb will be truly a new beginning ~!

I only can pray that e Attendance policy wont apply to use this sem, since I missed so much lessons before Jan.. Its impossible to gain back to 75% even if i attend all lessons now.. less than one month of lesson.. super funny that our sch term starts on Sept and they only come tell us in end Dec.. hurhur.. isnt it too late? if e penalty is so severe that we cant take our exams cos of e policy.. shld had told us earlier.. and i already paid $3.5k for my exams.. so if they come and tell me i can't take my exams this yr cos of that.. seriously im going to make a big affairs out of it lor.. its not e first time e admins side is so screwed up..

i'm ultra tired fighting e family issue.. i only want to get over and done with studies and go work.. dun wish to deal with those shitty stuffs.. whether IT suits me at all.. i shall see when i step into it.. look on e bright side huh.. maybe i will get a job that isnt that bad? hahaha

and i shld just postpone my Taiwan trip till exams is over.. would be too rush to go in between end of Prelims and before start of UK Revision Workshops.. and i think most probably i will struggle with 212 SML & Prolog assignments again.. impossible to finish by March..


Will keep those in mind always:

"Sometimes, life is just not as sweet as we expected it should be, but i hope you can learn to love yourself"

"Pick yourself up again, have faith and fight again, to fight for your own happiness, peace and hope!"

"Be detemine to be a better person, let 2010 mark the better journey for you, never too late."

"Take one day at a time, cry if you need to, but pack up and ready to continue the journey, we don't really have much time, maybe another 50 birthdays from now.. which is countable!"

2010's New Year Resolutions

Haha first time i'm actually making a list? reaching a period of time I will undergo alot of changes.. a new phase of life.. Ha cannot play around so much anymore.. the mistake in Poly year 2 already affected my Uni choice, I definitely won't like to face something similar! Really have to do well in order to truly have a freedom to my own self.. Good luck to myself and JIAYOU ~! I CAN DO IT! haha since so many people say I'm smart? =X LOL but i guess too smart for my own good already.. till the extent I knew too much, end up think too much and worry far too much.. to be able to live a happy life that i had wanted..

• Finish up all my 20 assignments by early March so that I can go Taiwan in e mid of e month in peace!
• Do well for my final theory-based modules.. hopefully can get at least an average of Bs and pull up the overall grade to Upper/ Lower 2nd class Honours
• Still able to work on the same topic for my Final year projecr.. would had been so much of a headache to rethink of all e ideas
• Find a suitable job while doing my FYP temporarily for 1 year, until i offically graduate from Uni for GOOD! Still thinking if i should consider IT line at all if i don't wish to OT at all =X Admins erm.. shall see hows e job hunting is first.. hopefully e job market is better by June 2010!
• Save up and repay my study loan!
• Pass my driving test by 1 time! =P
• Save up for my own car =P hahaha
• Schedule at least one oversea trip per year! first stop TAIWAN! xD and maybe Gentings/ Malacca after my Exams!
• Be more firm with my decisions!
• Finally get my own room and have a place of peace and comfort! =.=
• Make time off for Gym every now and then when I could!
• Oh yea and most important, be more real vocal? haha wonder where my guts went to when facing people.. and be able to speak well..

Well only can think of those for now, so will just leave it as those items =P